I Slap Floor
by HC247
Summary: OR the day Shiz lost its mind. Musicalverse, MAJOR AU


"Dr. Dillamond?"

Glancing up from his work, the old Goat squinted over his spectacles. "Yes?" Looking closer, his expression relaxed. "Oh, Master Crope! Master Tibbett!. We'll, don't just stand there, boys. Come in. Come in." One ancient hoof motioned the pair forward. "What can I do for you?"

One of the duo took a seat while other elected to stand, hands place d on the back of the other's chair. "There was a note taped to the door of our dorm. You wanted to see us?"

"Yes, yes of course. How foolish of me." Standing, the profess or crossed to the other side of the office, rifling through a thick stack of papers. "I simply wanted to return your exams to you. I know you must be most anxious."

The boys exchanged a hesitant smile. "As were all the others in class."

Dillamond chuckled. "The mind can never reached its full potential unless duly challenged." When his search yielded nothing, his eyes narrowed. "I could have sworn I put them there." Returning to his desk he asked, "How was your spring vacation, gentleman? I tust it was well?"

Crope nodded. "And passed much too quickly."

Their teacher looked up then, his expression guarded. "I wish I could say the same."

Two brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

The Doctor went back to searching through the various stacks of papers scattered about the office space. "You mean you haven't head?" When two heads shook, he exhaled loudly, sinking into his seat. "Oh my. It was most disturbing."

"What was?" Tibbet asked, unconsciously leaning forward.

Dr. Dillamond leveled his eyes on them. "The events of the past week. IN fact, much of it involved around your friends, what is it you call yourselves? The Charmed Circle, if I'm not mistaken?"

"What about them?"

Another sigh. "I fear it is much worse than any of us ever feared. Especially Miss Nessarose."

"Is Nessa alright?"

"Physically, yes. But as for the rest…"

Crope hesitated. "Will you tell us what happened?"

Dr. Dillamond sighed. "Alright, but I must warn you, you won't like what I'm about to say." Taking

a deep breath, he began, "AT first, it everything was fine. Last Monday started as any other had…"

* * *

><p>"Elphaba! Oh, ELphaba, come and see! Father has sent me the most wonderful gift!"<p>

"You say that every time, Nessa," her sister replied dryly. Still, she came to Nessa's side, leaning down to her level. "What is it?"

The younger girl thrust a small object in her direction. It's Dr. Nicidik's newest phenomenon! Oh, Fababla, he's an absolute _genius_. I've read all of his books"

"_Unwrapped: How to Discover the __**You**__ Deep Inside_," She read aloud, holding the cassette away from her and wrinkling her nose. "I don't know, Nessie. I've heard some of his philosophies and they seem a little far-fetched to me."

Nessa shrugged off the comment, "Scoff all you want, Elphaba. I know he's right. I've only listened to the tape once and already, I'm discovering things about myself I never knew."

"Such as?"

"Well," she began practically, "I'm realizing I'm just the _tiniest_ bit uptight and need to learn how to relax a little."

Elphaba's brow rose. "Wow," she stated softly, turning the tape over in her hand. "Go figure."

"I know, right?" Nessa's eyes shone. Steering away from her sister, she said, "I have to get to class, but feel free to keep the tape, Elphaba. That's your copy."

Still not convinced, the green girl watched as her sister rolled away before she could protest. Lifting on shoulder in a shrug, she replied, "Thanks….I think."

* * *

><p>"So she gave her a tape," Crope remarked. "Big deal."<p>

Dillamond shook his head. "I wish it were that simple."

"You mean there's more?"

"Oh, my dear boy," he said, leaning back. "I'm afraid we've only just begun…"

* * *

><p>"Hi, Elphie," Galinda called as she breezed through the door of their suite. "Oh, I'm just exhausted. I had no idea shopping could be so much work. I swear, Fiyero and must have gone to at least <em>eight<em> stores, five of which had nothing in style. Can you imagine that? What kind of shop has the nerve to try to pass of last season's knock-offs _as fashion_. I mean, come on. I'm a pretty forgiving person, but that was just plain _wrong_! And furthermore, they-" Planting her hands on her hips, the blonde leveled a glare on her best friend. "Elphie are you even listening to me?"

"What?" From her side of the room, the other girl blinked and removed her earphone. "Sorry, Galinda. I didn't know you were talking to me."

"Who else would I be talking to?" Galinda hung her cloak in her armoire, then flounced across the room to Elphaba's bed. "What are you listening to, anyway?"

The green girl shrugged. "Something Nessa gave me. It's supposed to help you find your innermost self. You know, unknown qualities, discoveries about yourself. Crap like that." Rolling her eyes, she tossed the cassette player further down on the bed and turned to her friend. "I'm still not sure I buy it, though Nessa's nearly ready to go on a promotional tour."

Galinda picked up the case, examining the picture on the front for herself. "He's a bit creepy if you ask me."

Elphaba smirked, "And that's why we get along so well. Come one. Are you ready for dinner?"

The blonde nodded. "I'll get Fiyero and meet you there." With a smile, Elphaba departed, leaving Galinda alone in their room. Turning the tape over in her hand, she shrugged. "What could it hurt?" Depositing the tape in her purse, she followed her roommate out the door.

* * *

><p>"Okay, so now Greenie and Blondie took a turn. So?" It was Tibett's turn to speak up.<p>

"Keep listening," Dillamond stated. That was only the beginning. It wasn't until a few days later that things became…very, very strange…"

* * *

><p>"Elphaba! Wait up!" Stopping, the green girl turned to see her roommate hurrying towards her. As she drew near, the girl's eyebrow furrowed together.<p>

"Galinda…are you wearing black?"

The blonde shrugged. "I thought it would be a nice change. Pink is so last week, don't you think?"

"Sure…Are you sure you're alight?"

"Never better, Elphaba. I'm simply mourning society's loss of innocence in my own way."

"Right. Well, I have to get to class, but I'll see you later."

Galinda nodded solemnly, never glancing back. "Oz willing."

Not having the time or the energy to try and comprehend her roommate's antics, the green girl shrugged and entered her classroom. Setting her notes down, she took a seat only moments before a new form loomed over hers.

"Miss Elphaba."

Glancing up, she bit back a groan. "Fiyero."

He took the seat next to her, cocky smile firmly in place. "Don't you just look so overjoyed."

"Sorry," she said distantly, "I just had the oddest conversation with Galinda." She turned her eyes to his. "Has she been acting…funny lately?"

He shrugged. "It's Galinda. She's always acting funny."

"But more so than usual?"

"Not really. In fact, I think she may have a point. " Another shrug. "It's no matter anyway .We broke up last night."

She frowned. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm not," Taking a seat next to her, he traced his fingers up and down her arm. "Besides, I've had my eye on someone else."

Swallowing the lump forming in her throat, she asked thickly, "Anyone I know?"

"As a matter of fact," he smiled, leaning closer. "it is. And I was hoping you could help me win her over."

Elphaba managed a shaky smile. "What can I do?"

"Just give me an inner working of her mind. My first impressions were completely wrong. I always assumed she was this uptight, rigid thing that hadn't a clue how to have fun, but now I see differently. Nessa's so alive, so vivacious, so-"

"Wait!" she exclaimed holding up a hand. "Nessa! You want Nessa! Why not just go out with Madame Morrible!"

"Woah, woah, Elphie! Calm down," He gave her a nervous smile. "I really don't want the whole campus finding out my personal business."

She glared. "You're on your own, Tiggular. I knew Galinda wasn't your best match, but Nessa!" She shook her head. "I'm afraid you've really gone off the deep end."

He snorted. "Excuse me for not getting your approval for every girl I date. Whom do you think I should be with. You?," he said incredulously. "There's a laugh."

Elphaba didn't reply, only sent him a glare that he feared could ignite him into flames. Wordlessly, she stood and come around to face him. Taking his face in her hands, she pressed her lips to his, kissing him senseless. Finally, she pulled back, taking in his stunned face and chuckled, saying, "Who's laughing now?" Gathering her things, she swept from the room.

Fiyero, for his part, was speechless. "Call me?"

* * *

><p>Crope let out a whistle, "Yeah, that's definitely not normal."<p>

Beside him, Tibbett shook his head. "Galinda's gone emo, FIyero wants Nessa, and Thropp turned into a siren? Something isn't adding up."

Dillamond shrugged, "I wish that were the worst of it."

Their brows rose, "There's more?"

"I'm afraid so…"

* * *

><p>By Friday afternoon, the whole campus was in an uproar over the members of the Charmed Circle, who, so it seemed, had completely and utterly lost their minds.<p>

"Oh, my beautiful, beautiful Rose!" Boq exclaimed as he hurried to Nessa's side. "I've missed you much! Please, just let me have five minutes in your company."

"Boq, I've told you a thousand times. We're through." Nessa stopped in front of the mirror to primp and preen. "Now bug off!"

Boq refused to be let down so easily. "But precious Rose, I've here all night. Waiting."

Smiling, Nessa patted his cheek. "How adorable. You know what would be even kinder?" She nodded to Galinda, seated in the far corner of the room. "See that tragically beautiful girl over there? The one with the harmonica playing that sad, sad tune? It seems so unfair that we should go out and she stay here." Sighing dramatically, she bought a hand to her chest. "I know someone would be my hero if they were to go talk to her."

The Munchkin brightened, "I could talk to her?"

"Oh, Boq. You would do that for me?"

He melted on the spot. "I would do anything for you, Nessa" Still smiling manically, he skipped off to engage Galinda in conversation.

Nessa watched him go, "That was way to easy," she muttered.

"I have to admit, Miss Nessa," Fiyero said as he drew up beside her. "You're good."

She tossed her hair flirtatiously, "I don't know what you mean. But, I do happen to be free tonight.."

"Can it, Nessa," A new voice cut in. "He's mine."

Fiyero grinned as Elphaba drew up beside him, placing a possessive hand on his arm. "Sorry, Nessa," he said, his eyes never leaving Elphaba's low-cut, high-rise, dress. "I'm taken."

"Hmm." She remarked flippantly. "Nice dress, Fabala. Where did you get it? Tramps r'us?"

"Close," Elphaba replied, never missing a beat. "Your closet." Taking the Prince's hand, she dragged him away as Nessa let loose a string of curses to make even the roughest sailor blush. "Let's get out of here, Fiyero."

Nessa watched them go befre turning her attention to Galinda and Boq. The blonde had the Munchkin in a deep conversation about the detriment of rain to the environment and the rights of fungus. Wrinkling her nose, Nessa decided to forgive her sister, only to find her and Fiyero in the opposite corner, quite involved in one another and clearly not wanting to be bothered. Sighing, the girl pulled out her portable cassette player and murmured, "What would Dr. Nicidik say to this..."

* * *

><p>"Here we are!" Dr. Dillamond exclaimed, extracting two papers from the bottom of the stack. "Just where I thought they would be."<p>

The two boys exchanged a glance ,accepting their papers and saying, "What happened next?"

"Next what?"

"You know," Crope urged, "With the story? Did things ever get back to normal?"

Dillamond shrugged. "Boys, in this case, there is only one thing left to say." He paused. "I slap floor."

"I slap floor? What in Oz is that supposed to mean? Our friends have lost their minds and all you can say is 'I slap floor?"

"Life is like that sometimes, I'm afraid," Dillamond concluded as he ushered them out of the office. "Good work on your assignments, gentleman. I'll see you in class."

"Wait!" Tibbet called after him. "You can't leave it like that!"

"Tibbett!"

"Well, he can't! It's like the world's gone nuts and there's nothing we can do about it."

"Tibbett.."

"Galinda's gone emo, Boq is fawning over Nessa, who's become a first class snark and Tiggular and Thropp, who could barely stand the sight of each other before, now can hardly keep their hand to each other! And all that old Goat can leave us with is 'I slap floor'? What's the deal?"

Keeping his eyes glued to the day circled on the calendar, Crope bit back a smile. "Keep thinking about it, Tibbet. The answer will come soon enough."

* * *

><p><strong>I have no explanation for this. If you haven't figured it out yet, rearrange the letters in the title. Or take a clue from Crope at the end. Either way, I hope this was at least semi-amusing and don't forget to hit the review button on your way out. Thanks!<strong>


End file.
